"you are my dolores"

the times i've spent smoking so many cigarettes i could barely stand, watching the smoke curl around my fingers, filling my lungs, filling the air, dissipating to never be seen again, listening to erik satie and watching the leaves move and move and move.

feeling my heart beat, and feeling his heart beat and her heart beat and the smell of roses and incense and sweat and fluttering eyelids and gasping for air between kisses.

a cup of tea and my bed and a book i didn't quite understand and feeling tears dry on my cheeks and the sadness and the loneliness and then, later, the relief-
and more tears.

bathtubs filled with warmth and ecstasy, exploring, closing my eyes and feeling everything.

my youth will be rose scented. soft and tender, sensual, like a peach.

from now on i want nothing but late nights and lace dresses, and pink with a rock&roll edge, pleasure in pain. i want my entire being to reflect my youth and my sexuality and everything tied together by a delicate ribbon (or maybe bound by a spiked collar). i used to want to grow up and to leave but i'll stay. "you are what you love" so here's what i want to be:

weekends

s&m

china's avant-garde VISION magazine got an after-party remix.

in this spread, new york-based photographer/artistic director Michael Donovan captures sex-infused scenes oozing with sadomasochistic vibes. and, to top it all off, the shoot boasts clothing from innovative designers such as Jil Sander and Calvin Klein.

scenes from last night-

i only wish more photographers would explore this realm of 'almost-erotica', the beautiful controversy that leaves you wondering the fate of the submissive female under the domination of the male. although the theme is quite risky, i praise the photographer for exploring something borderline-pornographic, and indulging us with just enough lust and passion, without overwhelming the viewer. Donovan really walks a fine line between horror and seduction, playing with grungy, experimental shots that look almost look accidental. ten thousand claps for Donovan and VISION alike.

in love with a girl

although i can't say that 'bubblegum pop' is my cup of tea, i will proudly admit that sky ferreira is my latest girl crush. 

the 19 year old american singer, songwriter and model is quite new to the music scene, but her quirky sense of style caught my eye immediately.

my fascination with miss ferreira comes from her ability to construct outfits that look haute-couture, but very undone and 'thrown together' at the same time. here are a few examples-

sky's look consists of a contrasting combination of deconstructed, over-sized jackets with loose, flowy tops and combat boots. i also give her credit for sporting a beevis and butthead shirt - quite a classic. 

it's hard to directly label her style, but it's very reminiscent of Hole's Courtney Love's red lipstick and undone, bleached hair. there is something very alien, and subtly sexy about her look, and although i might not be the biggest fan of sky ferriera's music, i do consider her one of my style icons from now on.

parisienne

urban outfitters hat, vintage sailor's uniform top, thrifted highwaist pants.

artiste mentor

this next post is going to be dedicated to a new-found inspiration (and, i can even say, a new muse).

this new muse, Marco Torres, is an independent photographer/videographer, based in california.

i came across Torres' work while on tumblr, and instantly found myself captivated by the way his photographs effortlessly put together so many fascinating, modern elements. the way the obvious masculine presence clashes with tragically urban environments to create a complex, alien feel. 

M. Torres' work belongs in a place somewhere where the fine line between reality and dream is drawn. 

in his work, the ever-present sex appeal mixed with a strong, sinister atmosphere binds the abstract contemporary-art mood with a classic, uncanny elegance.

this artist is definitely a source of motivation for me, and i only hope that one day i may be able to bloom in such a way. i will definitely be using this motivation for further works of my own, in the near future.

i encourage you to look Marco Torres' official website, and his tumblr.

in other news...

new ring

jewellery featuring large, heavy natural stones like this is something i've been craving.

modern drift

trying to re-invent my personal style has lead me onto a new and interesting track. this vision of mine is really different from all of my previous fashion interests, which makes it all the more foreign to my eyes.

this involves designs simplified to the point of complexity, in ethereal, sheer fabrics, anchored by strong architectural yet modern detailing.

Acne | Womenswear SS12 from Acne Studios on Vimeo.

ACNE, a new favorite, really manages to embody this.

i am also hoping to add a bit of my own into the mix-

an haute-couture suffering artist look, supported by a definate 'unfinished' feel. definitely more grown up, maybe even gothic, with elements taken from the infamous 1990's heroin chic trend.

effortlessly sexy, but still youthful and rebellious.

inspiration as follows:

i don't know if i can fully put what i see in my head into words, but hopefully i will be able to do so with my own outfit snaps, as summer progresses.

the beautiful people

i have a fascination with beautiful people.

strangely enough i don't mean beautiful in the conventional type of way. i am fascinated with people who are flawed in such a way, they almost seem perfect. its quite the experience, seeing someone beautiful in a photograph, or on the street, sometimes having to stop what you're doing as to fill yourself up with the vision of them.

i've come to realize, though, that my view on beauty might really differ from those around me- and this is something that i notice more and more on a daily basis.

this year i've come to appreciate male models much more than i have before.

but mostly-

i love trashy, beaten up, punk hoodlum boys.

ash stymest, yuri pleskun, sylvester ulv and his ever-charming septum piercing, a nameless boy with a great sense of street-style.

ofcourse, this post would not be complete without some girl-crushes of mine.

gemma ward.

honestly, do i even have to say it? my infatuation with this woman is crazy. she's so perfectly imperfect, ggggguh.

nimue smit, and look, we've hit a double whammy with vlada roslyakova and sasha pivovarova.

honestly, there is something so astonishing with the whole heroin chic,  afterparty exhaustion. something captivating in hollow-looking eyes and prominent, scandinavian cheekbones.