escapism

i can't wait to leave this broken home.
i can't wait to hear their gasps.
i can't wait to be reckless, drive drunk.
i can't wait for wide eyes, shaky hands.
i can't wait for the midnight swims.
i can't wait to see nude bodies, streamlined by the cold moonlight.
i can't wait to burn (everything, myself, others).
i can't wait for mindless, mindless passion.
i can't wait to sin.
i can't wait for carnal knowledge.
i can't wait to swallow tears (mine or yours).
i can't wait for the feeling of a warm, warm tongue.
i can't wait to be violent.
i can't wait to be fucking unforgiving.

waxing gibbous

as a child, i once saw the moon drowning in a puddle.

on the peach-skin of my baby-knees, i knelt beside the dirty water

somehow, knowing that the majestic moon too, could drown 

touched my little baby-heart

and warm, wet tears splashed into the craters.

psilocybin

i can't remember at which point i lost my mind

i just remember realizing how little anything matters

how many truths there are to discover 

and how absolutely fucking beautiful life is

i remember crying of joy at the fractal patterns appearing on the walls

crying of joy at how much more depth there is to everything

how much more there is than what meets your eye!

i remember thinking, 'this is what it feels like to be completely insane!'

'this is alice in the depth of her rabbit hole!'

i remember knowing so many things, so many wise, wise things.

and if this is what it feels like to lose your mind,

there are so many other things to gain.

. 

mdma

you can't imagine what it's like to embody an emotion.
to become it completely, then overthrow it, surpass it, climb higher.
you can't fathom every single atom in your body sighing in ecstasy, in relief
before you know it, your eyes are open wide with the fascination of a child
and the sounds your body makes are those of constant pleasure
tasting textures, feeling sounds under your skin.
your hands reach out to squeeze the universe, to hold it tight
and suddenly thoughts don't matter
and you're dancing dancing dancing...

feel

my mind has bloomed like a lotus flower.
it feels good to feel it unfold.
it feels good to be touched and to touch.
it feels good to drink cheap booze and it feels good to kiss a beautiful girl
it feels good to sit in the hazy waves of a bath with a delicate boy.