waxing gibbous

as a child, i once saw the moon drowning in a puddle.

on the peach-skin of my baby-knees, i knelt beside the dirty water

somehow, knowing that the majestic moon too, could drown 

touched my little baby-heart

and warm, wet tears splashed into the craters.

psilocybin

i can't remember at which point i lost my mind

i just remember realizing how little anything matters

how many truths there are to discover 

and how absolutely fucking beautiful life is

i remember crying of joy at the fractal patterns appearing on the walls

crying of joy at how much more depth there is to everything

how much more there is than what meets your eye!

i remember thinking, 'this is what it feels like to be completely insane!'

'this is alice in the depth of her rabbit hole!'

i remember knowing so many things, so many wise, wise things.

and if this is what it feels like to lose your mind,

there are so many other things to gain.

. 

mdma

you can't imagine what it's like to embody an emotion.
to become it completely, then overthrow it, surpass it, climb higher.
you can't fathom every single atom in your body sighing in ecstasy, in relief
before you know it, your eyes are open wide with the fascination of a child
and the sounds your body makes are those of constant pleasure
tasting textures, feeling sounds under your skin.
your hands reach out to squeeze the universe, to hold it tight
and suddenly thoughts don't matter
and you're dancing dancing dancing...

feel

my mind has bloomed like a lotus flower.
it feels good to feel it unfold.
it feels good to be touched and to touch.
it feels good to drink cheap booze and it feels good to kiss a beautiful girl
it feels good to sit in the hazy waves of a bath with a delicate boy.

deep sleeper

i haven't written anything in a long time.

my whole body has been on a cloud. my mind filled with fog for days.

i fell into the bed the other day and was greeted by whiskey breath 

warm, warm skin, feverish.

your hands searching for something you've never found before

my hands searching for something that slipped away long ago

and we're both sick people

because you have to be, to be in so deep

and i don't mean to be melancholic

ten thousand

it's the way the light hits
it's the softness
when you and i both know it's all in the angles

it's the hollow feeling
it's the worries
the fainting spells

and

well, it isn't pretty


i've got it dripping off my bones.
it isn't purity
it's filth
i'm fucking filthy and
this is the only way i'm going to get clean

wild

i've chosen to no longer fight any battles
all i want to do now, is to melt into the open air
give myself to the wilderness and
lie with my cheeks pressed into the warm soft earth
maybe one day i'll be lucky enough to have wildflowers grow
out of the spaces between my ribs
and have birds and feral winds play with my hair
perhaps, the moon would grace my forehead in the nighttime
and my thoughts and my mind would be warm

i want to be still, now.